My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
