plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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