my room smells like sperm. sweet.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
