But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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