I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
