JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
