weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
