we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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