Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
