So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
