"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
