Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
