You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
