Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
