Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
