if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
