And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
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It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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