My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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