I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
