guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
