Will you blow on my dice?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
