wakey wakey hands off snakey
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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