Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
