if i can run in heels then i can drive
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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