Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
