I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
