I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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