Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
