Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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