i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
