How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
