So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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