Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
