What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
