i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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