i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
