Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize