wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
