i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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