I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
