If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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