you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
