All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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