I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize