Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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