i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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