I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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