The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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