she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
