I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I had to cum in my sink.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
