im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
