you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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