He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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