My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
