Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
NoShamevember. You game?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
