im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
