Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
