Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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