If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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