you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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