we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
