I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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