She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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