Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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