The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
