I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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