you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
