I smell stomach acid.
there's paper in my vomit.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
