I wanna passion pit in your ass
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it was like eating out sand paper
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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