just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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