mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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