Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
