There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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