I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
